A Deeper Call To Unity And Embracing Differences (Response to Elder David L. Buckner’s Oct 2024 Conference Talk)

In response to Elder David L. Buckner’s October 2024 Conference talk, "Ye Are My Friends"... I’d like to offer an alternative perspective that encourages reflection on the complexities inherent in the concepts of unity, belonging, and friendship within religious contexts…

Elder Buckner’s message emphasizes the Savior’s declaration of friendship as a “clarion call to build higher and holier relationships among all of God’s children,” suggesting that emulating Christ in this way is a path to unity and belonging. This interpretation is heartfelt and noble, yet a nuanced approach may reveal deeper dimensions to these ideas… especially in a world where real and significant differences often stand as barriers to unity.

To start off, with my heart full of love and respect toward this rebuttal, while the concept of Christ as a unifier is undoubtedly inspirational… true unity often requires more than a shared spiritual ideal. Rather, it demands empathy and an ongoing commitment to understanding the diverse lived experiences that for so many years, have genuinely shaped individuals. Elder Buckner’s call for unity, while I do admit is ery much motivated by compassion, implies that unity should come about through a concerted effort to look past differences and find common ground. This viewpoint, however, can inadvertently overlook the importance of valuing those very differences that may challenge the status quo within communities. In focusing primarily on erasing or overcoming differences to achieve unity, we risk invalidating the unique perspectives that make each person valuable. Real unity, then, may not be the absence of differences, but rather a respect for and celebration of those differences within a compassionate and inclusive framework.

Elder Buckner recounts his experience with interfaith leaders during the COVID-19 pandemic, highlighting the bonds they formed as they looked beyond religious distinctions. While this is an inspiring example of collaboration, it is also necessary to acknowledge that such harmony often arises only within certain contexts, such as shared adversity or common objectives. Outside of those circumstances, meaningful unity often proves… elusive. The challenge, then, is to recognize that unity cannot always be achieved by setting aside differences; sometimes, genuine understanding requires us to delve into and address those differences, however uncomfortable they may be. A more inclusive form of unity does not demand that we put our differences aside but rather that we make space to hear and value them, even if doing so complicates the relationship. This perspective honors diversity not as a barrier but as a crucial element of true connection.

The concept of belonging that Elder Buckner emphasizes is also worth exploring more critically. He references Elder Quentin L. Cook’s teaching that “the essence of truly belonging is to be one with Christ.” However, this notion of belonging… as something attainable only through complete alignment with Christ’s teachings… can inadvertently marginalize those who, for various reasons, struggle with certain aspects of Church doctrine, practices, or culture. For many, a sense of belonging is tied not just to shared belief, but to the acceptance of their full, complex selves…. including doubts, questions, and life experiences that may not perfectly align with institutional expectations. To foster a more inclusive sense of belonging, it may be valuable to consider a model that doesn’t rely solely on doctrinal alignment but instead welcomes the diverse journeys each individual undertakes in their faith.

Elder Buckner’s recounting of his experience in Ghana, where the phrase “you are welcome” is offered to visitors as an intentional gesture of inclusion, presents an opportunity for meaningful reflection on what it truly means to create a welcoming environment. While the Church may extend open arms to all who enter, genuinely inclusive belonging demands more than an open invitation… it requires an active commitment to understanding and validating the unique struggles, beliefs, and perspectives that individuals bring. The notion of “visitors welcome” can be powerful, but if it is not followed by deeper engagement and genuine acceptance of those who might not conform to typical expectations, then the invitation risks becoming a hollow gesture. To cultivate an authentic sense of welcome, a community must engage in difficult conversations, be open to critique, and evolve to support all individuals in their diversity,,,, So… while Elder Buckner raves about the virtue of “being one” and warns against the divisive tactics of the adversary, the complexity of community and individuality is often more intricate than a binary of unity versus division. Genuine friendships and communities do not thrive on forced cohesion but on the freedom for individuals to be authentic and vulnerable, even when this authenticity leads to disagreements or difficult conversations. The idea that unity should come from overlooking or minimizing our differences can suppress individual expression and lead to conformity rather than true friendship… Perhaps even destroyed friendships and families (But that is a whole blog post in itself)... The teachings of Christ indeed encourage love and compassion for one another. Though,I, as an agnostic ex-Mormon, that doesn't go to church, I still meet with sister missionaries at Temple Square and allow myself to indulge in these diverse conversations, I love many aspects of the church and still hold them closely to my very soul… So, the teachings of Christ, as i said, DO encourage love and compassion for one another, but they also invite us to engage sincerely and openly with the differences among us. The differences, although intimidating, are what ultimately keep our unity thriving… Christ’s interactions with those who diverged from societal and religious norms… including the Samaritan woman at the well and the leper whom others shunned… showcase an openness to engage with others as they are, rather than imposing expectations of conformity as a prerequisite for belonging.

Another area for consideration lies in Elder Buckner’s portrayal of church attendance and activity as markers of faith and belonging. He compares the act of sitting in a pew on Sunday to living a life that reflects Christ’s teachings. While it is true that attending church can foster community… and I am a witness to that the last 10 years of my life… it’s important to recognize that faith and spirituality can also flourish outside of structured meetings. Many people express their spirituality and commitment to Christ’s teachings in diverse ways that do not always involve church attendance, due to personal, social, or even doctrinal conflicts. The notion that spiritual belonging is tied primarily to church attendance risks alienating those who feel closest to God outside of traditional worship settings. For many, the outdoors, quiet contemplation, service in their local communities, or even conversations with those outside of their faith bring them closer to Christ in ways that structured church attendance does not. To embrace a more inclusive vision of belonging, it may be beneficial to recognize and validate these varied expressions of spirituality.

So, to finish up… the invitation Elder Buckner extends to “come back” and “belong” within the Church is certainly heartfelt, yet the phrasing implies that those who have distanced themselves from Church activity must simply return and conform to feel true belonging. A broader, more compassionate approach might instead recognize that for many who step away, the journey back is not simply a matter of returning, but one of healing, reconciliation, and reimagining their relationship with the Church. For those who have experienced feelings of alienation, judgment, or misunderstanding, the call to return may feel incomplete if it does not address the institutional and cultural challenges that contributed to their departure

A truly Christlike invitation to return would not only welcome individuals back but would also work toward understanding and transforming the experiences and structures that made them feel unwelcome in the first place.

Therefore… while Elder Buckner’s message in “Ye Are My Friends” encourages a vision of unity and belonging inspired by Christ’s teachings, a more nuanced approach invites us to consider the profound value of diversity within the framework of friendship and faith.

True unity does not merely seek to dissolve differences but to celebrate them within a loving and understanding community.

Belonging, similarly, must transcend the expectation of conformity, offering instead a safe space for individual expressions of faith and spirituality. Christ’s example shows us a path of openness, empathy, and respect for each person’s unique journey. A community modeled after this example would not only welcome all who enter but would actively engage with their diverse experiences… striving to understand and validate them as integral to the fabric of true unity.

The Savior’s declaration of friendship can indeed serve as a “clarion call” (a strongly expressed demand or request for action) …not to reduce the individuality of those around us but to embrace each person’s unique contributions as essential to a richer, more authentic unity. In doing so, we might build a community that genuinely reflects the inclusive love of Christ, where everyone can feel valued and seen as they are. This approach embodies the highest ideals of unity and belonging, transforming these concepts from mere words into a living, breathing expression of divine friendship.

-Aubs