In honor of David Archuletas courage I decided to do my best to be as raw and clear as possible and explain, in the only way I know how to express feelings, in poem form, in this poem I express my faith transition, existential anxiety and questioning, and attempt to explain my realization that I do not and have not actually believed in God and that it is beautifully ok- this poem (below), is for all who can relate. My poem unfolds as an introspective journey of self-discovery and existential questioning, spanning my formative years into adulthood. Through what I strive to portray as poignant reflections and introspections, I confront the deeply ingrained beliefs instilled by my family and society, grappling with the conflict between faith and doubt. Each stanza serves as what I also strive for, to be a window into my psyche, revealing layers of emotional turmoil, resilience, and my eventual liberation. The language I chose, I strove to make it rich with imagery, metaphor, and introspective depth, hopefully painting a vivid portrait of my inner landscape. As I unfold, the poem traces a path from my self-doubt and suppression to my self-acceptance and empowerment, culminating in a profound sense of liberation and full authenticity.
I am hoping my poem resonates deeply with readers who have embarked on their own journeys of self-discovery and existential questioning. I’m hoping my raw honesty and vulnerability strikes a chord with individuals who have grappled with societal expectations, religious conditioning, and the pursuit of personal truth. I’m hoping for many readers to find solace in even my courage, to find courage within themselves to confront their very own doubts and uncertainties, seeing echoes of their own struggles reflected in the poem's verses. The empowering message of embracing authenticity and trusting one's inner compass resonates with those who have felt marginalized or invalidated for questioning prevailing beliefs. Through my poetic and evocative language and universal themes, my poem, I hope, serves as a beacon of validation and hope for anyone navigating the complexities of faith, identity, and self-discovery. To be clear and full of hope but a bit of bravery, I’d like to say that my poems profound impact lies in its ability to illuminate the shared human experience of seeking truth and finding strength in vulnerability.
As always, at-least in my mind, vulnerability is the very key to inner-peace.
Faith Untethered
In the twilight of my quarter-life's short span,
I questioned beliefs, the essence of man.
Taught by elders in hushed, somber tones,
To question was sin, forbidden zones.
Yet doubts like shadows, they did creep,
Within my soul, they burrowed deep.
Unanswered questions, they plagued my mind,
Leaving solace, hard to find.
Daily rituals, a steadfast routine,
But doubts within, they did convene.
Prayers and hymns, they echoed loud,
But doubts within, they were not cowed.
Feeling dirty, sinful, cast aside,
Within my heart, doubts did abide.
Misunderstood, alone in my strife,
I grappled with doubt, the essence of life.
Confiding in others, seeking solace in kin,
But met with silence, doubts deep within.
"Doubt your doubts," they'd often say,
But answers eluded, slipped away.
Childhood moments, etched in time,
Indicators of doubts, subtle signs.
Grandmother's prayers, laced with fear,
But demons within, they were not near.
Trauma's grip, a heavy load to bear,
But doubts and beliefs, they intertwined there.
Foster care, group homes, a journey untold,
Amidst differing beliefs, my truth took hold.
Perception shifted, as years went by,
Acceptance dawned, beneath the sky.
Embracing others, with beliefs diverse,
A journey of self, a blessing to traverse.
Temple visits, rituals performed,
But doubts within, they swarmed and swarmed.
Immersion in faith, a fervent disguise,
Beneath the surface, doubts would rise.
Mid-twenties brought a revelation clear,
Questioning sexuality, facing fear.
Existential crisis, a journey begun,
Doubts and beliefs, no longer as one.
Questioning everything, a daunting task,
But within uncertainty, I found my mask.
Philosopher, experimenter, in quest of truth,
Writing poems, seeking wisdom's sleuth.
A rush of relief, mingled with dismay,
As I embraced doubts, on this day.
A disappointment, yet a sense of release,
As doubts and beliefs found their peace.
New perspectives emerged, in the light of doubt,
Authenticity embraced, without a doubt.
Uncertainty accepted, as part of the journey,
In the tapestry of life, doubts find their tourney.
So here I stand, empowered and free,
In the realm of doubt, where I decree.
A poet, a seeker, on a quest profound,
In doubts and beliefs, truth is found.
-Aubs
03/29/24
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