How to Successfully Deconstruct a Cult (And Other Mid-Twenties Hobbies)

The sarcasm, jokes, and ignorant comments of dissent within the comment section surrounding Robin Buckley’s TED talk:

"Why I Gave My Teenage Daughter a Vibrator"

…is, honestly, annoyingly blatant and loud, and it is a bunch of nonsense left entirely by those who have not truly listened. 

They have not sat with the words she says, have not trace-mapped the statistics she points out and did the work on, and have not allowed themselves the discomfort required to empathize with the fundamental human necessity of bodily autonomy.

 To watch that video is to realize that the stigma surrounding female pleasure is not just a societal quirk…it is a profound, systemic injury.

I sit here, two months shy of thirty, and the still traumatizing pain of my own upbringing resonates with the lonely, barren, bleakness of a bell tolling in a graveyard.

 I remember being ten years old, the sanctity of my own room shattered by a grandmother who did not knock, but instead threw the door open to catch me in the act of … self discovery. She did not see a child exploring her own humanity, even though that’s exactly what it was; she saw a moral failing, a sinful child, possessed by Satan and walking a dangerous disgusting path. 

After she saw me, she walked through that house, broadcasting my "sin" to every family member within earshot, painting the natural, curiosity-driven exploration of my own body as an invitation to Satan himself.

That shame… that specific, corrosive variety of religious and social conditioning… is a heavy cloak to wear for two decades. I spent years navigating the labyrinth of two separate cults, seven years of non-denominational evangelicalism, and then a ten-year tether to Mormonism.

Mix in a decade of the MAGA ideological sphere, and you have a recipe for profound, fractured dissociation from the self.

But I am here, on the other side of that wreckage. I am finally, truly, meeting myself. I allowed myself to deep dive and realize many things about myself before I turn 30…  I have autism, I have pathological demand avoidance, I am ADHD. I am a photographer, a writer, a singer, a philosopher, artist and scientist of my own existence. I am obsessed with food science, with the intricate, microbial landscapes that govern my vitality. I am unapologetically, obsessively committed to exploring myself… my mind, my gut, my creative pulse… because I believe with every fiber of my being that this is what I was meant to do. And I will not stop.

Watching that talk, I found myself thinking of my teenage stepdaughter. I’ve reached the point where I am seriously considering gifting her a vibrator, not as a casual gesture, but as a deliberate act of dismantling the machinery of shame. I have walked in on her brothers in the past, and I admit, the old reflexes of my upbringing flared. But I have grown. I have unlearned that conditioned instinct to react with punishment. I realized that as long as they are acting in privacy, in the sanctuary of a room that is truly theirs, and as long as they maintain cleanliness and a baseline of respect for their own vessels, there is not a single ounce of shame to be found in the act of touching one’s own body.

(However when it becomes 2 people whether in person or digitally, it must be a legal 18+ consent type of situation ….and there’s more to that but you understand where I’m coming from I hope)

This video is top-tier because it offers the keys to a kingdom we are rarely told we own.

 If you are approaching thirty, or even if you are just beginning to wake up to the truth of your own mind, body and life, learn these things as if your soul depends on them:

1. Touching your body is not a crime. It is the most primal form of cartography. You cannot navigate a territory you are forbidden to map. To know your own touch is to own your own anatomy, and to own your anatomy is to be the final arbiter of who enters your space… both physically and mentally.

2. Your microbiome is your truest compass. Stop looking for health in the distorted funhouse mirrors of social media influencers, corporate marketing, and your own reactionary cravings. The medical field is often a blunt instrument… it rarely looks at the microscopic, vibrant ecosystem that sustains your brain function, your mental health, your skin, your teeth, and your very genetic expression. Look into it. Seek out non-medical, specialized testing to see what your gut actually craves. I have found that a life fueled by diverse colors, textures, and the raw wisdom of plants is not just a diet… it is an act of neurological revolution. It will change your life from the inside out.

3. Life is a chaotic, terrifying, magnificent beast… grab it by the throat. Do not let life happen to you. Show it who holds the leash of the body and mind you inhabit. The confidence you dream of is not a passive gift… it is a muscle built in the daily, grueling gym of persistence. If you must, force yourself. Ten minutes, an hour, two… whatever it takes, do not do it half-assed. If you desire it, if you hunger for a life that is yours, you must be willing to show up for it every single day until the version of yourself you see in the mirror and the body you live in, finally feels like and recognizes the one you’ve been chasing.

4. We are all just meat puppets. Face the heavy, overwhelming, exquisite truth… Life ends. It is a system we are born into, a script written before we could read, and most of us walk through it like ghosts, never realizing we are the ones who can pick up the pen. Stop distracting yourself. The clock is ticking…literally, every second, every year… and that is the only metric that matters.

Only by staring into the abyss of our own finite existence does the ordinary shatter, revealing the profound. When you realize that the work, the corporate grind, the hoard of junk in a teenager’s room, the societal expectations… all of it… is just paper-thin theatre, you begin to prioritize the only things that remain when the curtain falls… the impacts you made, the depth of the relationships you nurtured, the magical, boring, beautiful moments of connection.

I’ll end with this:

Think of your life as a story.

You are the protagonist, the author, and the editor.

What do you want in it?

When the final chapter is written, and you are no longer here to hold the pen, what will the readers… the family who survives you, what will they remember of how you handled the plot twists?

Do not let the story pass you by.

Grab every moment.

Try harder, every single day, in ways you can manage, to be the person who makes the story worth reading.

This is your life.

The path is ultimately yours to set.

Build it well.

TED TALK I REFERENCED:

https://youtu.be/h1yJYnCbNHM