Recently (April 10th-13th to be exact) someone expressed to me with a heart full of misunderstanding and complete betrayal of friendship that I like to "portray myself as a victim".
I am here to express that I do not consider myself as such. I’m here to express that I absolutely refuse to obtain such a label and wear it with as much pride as this person seems to think I heavily do.
I, like so many others like me, have experienced a numerous amount of blows, torments and hardships. I have received chaos thrown at me from all sides of my life. I go through pain no good person should ever experience. I’ve gone through pain my whole life. Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. There are things I have refused to share to the world and there are things I have bravely shared with the world. But I am absolutely not a victim and I refuse to accept that as my identity.
I’m allowed to express the heavy amount of heartache I’ve gone through and continue to go through without being labeled as an attention seeker. I’m allowed to express my pain and link up with many others who go through similar things such as I without being made out to be a “whiny”, “attention seeking”, “victim”.
I am neither of those things.
I am an advocate. I am a consistent fighter. I am someone who can relate to the broken, the restless, the poor, the weak, the hurt, the scared, the hopeless, the humans of this earth who are constantly misunderstood and those left on the sidelines.
Very few people have called me a self-proclaimed victim. Have told me I’m just a whiny attention seeker. And it always seems to be the ones who know very little about me. Who spend the very least amount of time with me in person. Who pretend they’re better than others. Who consistently seek to misunderstand those like me instead of diving deeper into the core of that person or I.
I’m not a victim nor have I ever claimed to be so. I have however always claimed to be a fighter.
My bad days and struggles do not define me but they are difficult and I have the right to vocalize my opinions, views and feelings about them. I have that right. I have witnessed growth in venting, making mistakes, in hurting, In chaos, in pain. And I absolutely refuse to be told that talking about it makes me a whiny, complaining self-proclaimed victim. When in reality, it makes me the exact opposite.
Often times people are made to feel scared about opening up about their struggles and deep depression that follows. And even the suicidal thoughts that often follow that. No matter your gender, you have every right to express on any level the pain you experience in this life even if it makes you look like a whiny victim to those dedicated to misunderstanding you.
Because you aren’t a victim, opening up about such things in fact makes you an absolute amazement. You are a very very brave person. I want you to know that. It makes you a fighter to be so open… Especially after opening up about all you’ve done to curb such struggles. And sometimes life just likes to crap on you and sometimes things are 100% out of your control. That happens, do not let anyone tell you different. Especially those who have had a constant stream of certain resources their entire life to curb such struggles. Especially in this economy in 2023!
And even if you don’t open up about how you’ve put in the work to curb such struggles, you deserve all the empathy and understanding a friend can give. And yes, even when you haven’t put in the work just YET. You still deserve gentleness.
I’ve heard it said that a true friends cares not only what they say and how they say it to you, but also how they make you feel especially in times of struggle and stress.
A true friend calls you out but does not ever label you with hurtful words such as “whiny”, “complainer”, “attention seeker”, or “self-proclaimed victim”. A true friend is dedicated to understanding you and what you’re going through.
Throughout my life, people tend to tell me their deepest struggles. (And I absolutely love it) Sometimes there’s people who tell me things they’ve never told another person but after telling me they’ve found the strength to open up to others. I’m not some all powerful being, I’m not a therapist, I’m not the most amazing friend ever— but there’s something about me I’ve not quite figured out and haven’t really asked others about, that helps some who meet me, feel comfortable enough to share even the darkest or heaviest of burdensome stresses that they carry.—
I am here for you. Please never be scared to open up to me even about the littlest things.
I was blessed with some amazing souls in my life. To express myself to. To elaborate on my inner turmoil and darkest moments of life with.
I was blessed with those filled with such amazing light to either guide me or walk beside me even for a short time, through this entire life of mine.
I am immensely grateful for them and their gentleness and patience, especially the ones who have known me since I was a teenager, they know all my progress and have seen my growth!
I know my friend meant well when she told me I’m a whiny, attention seeking, victim….. but it was hurtful and I honestly forgive her. She knows not at all what she is saying. She doesn’t know me. She pretends to know me. I don’t know HER, even.
We both don’t know each other well enough to speak about each others lives. And I hope she never jumps and rants at someone else the way she has done to me. I hope that if there’s any of you who are like that (I’m guilty of it, I’m not exempt), that you stop and ask yourself, “Do I really even know enough about this person and their situation to form any opinions or criticism? Maybe I should ask more clarifying questions.”
Never pretend you know somebody just because you met them a couple times, read even a hundred of their Facebook posts or texted/messaged them even a thousand times.
It’s time to actually get to know people before you criticize and form opinions about them.
Please know you are loved.
-Aubs <3
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