Religions, especially patriarchal ones like Mormonism, have long used sexual mores as tools of control, often rooted in a complex blend of shame and obedience. Within the framework of Mormonism, sex is sacred, strictly regulated, and presented as something that must only occur within the bounds of heterosexual marriage. This regulation is not just about dictating behavior but about instilling a profound sense of shame around one's natural desires and body. By tying morality and spiritual worth to sexual purity, individuals, especially women, are led to believe that their inherent value is contingent upon adherence to these sexual codes.
Shame, in this context, becomes a powerful weapon. When individuals are made to feel that their natural inclinations—whether sexual curiosity, physical attraction, or even innocent bodily awareness—are sinful or impure, they are more easily controlled. This is because shame breeds dependence. When one feels inherently flawed or guilty, they seek redemption and validation from external authorities, in this case, religious leaders or doctrine. Thus, by casting sex as both sacred and dangerous, religious systems ensure that individuals are perpetually in a state of seeking forgiveness, cleansing, and moral approval.
This dynamic is disproportionately applied to women. Historically seen as the "weaker" gender, women have been subjected to stricter scrutiny regarding their sexuality. In Mormonism, as in many religions, a woman’s worth is often explicitly linked to her sexual purity—her virginity before marriage, her fidelity after, and her role as a nurturing mother within the confines of the home. Men, on the other hand, while certainly subject to some sexual regulations, are rarely shamed in the same visceral way. Women, particularly young girls, are taught that their bodies are potential sources of sin—not only for themselves but for men, whose desires they must control by dressing modestly and acting demurely. In essence, women are positioned as gatekeepers of not only their own virtue but of men's as well.
This notion of women as the "weaker" gender, easily swayed by temptation or incapable of independent moral reasoning, has always been a lie. It stems from a long history of patriarchal control, where women were not allowed to hold power or autonomy, not because they were incapable, but because men feared the loss of their own dominance. This idea that women are somehow less competent or rational is a social construct, designed to keep them subservient, rather than a reflection of any biological or spiritual truth. Women, when freed from these artificial constraints, have always demonstrated equal capacity for intellect, leadership, and strength. The lie that they are inherently weaker is a way of maintaining a social structure that privileges male power.
Moreover, this focus on women’s sexuality as a means of control reveals the underlying fear patriarchal systems have of women’s autonomy. Sexuality, after all, is one of the most personal, intimate expressions of human nature. By controlling how women view and experience sex, religious systems attempt to control women entirely—her thoughts, her desires, her sense of self. Yet history shows that women who break free from these constraints are not "weaker" but, in fact, immensely powerful. When freed from the burden of sexual shame and the expectations imposed by patriarchal religions, women often emerge as agents of profound change, capable of challenging the very systems designed to oppress them.
In the end, sexual shame is not about morality or spiritual well-being; it is about control—control of individual autonomy, control of gender roles, and, ultimately, control of power.
-aubs
(Credit For Header Photo: Posted on r/exmormon by Wonderer4920 on Reddit, then reposted by John Dehlin)
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