The Healing Journey: Using Cannabis Responsibly & Without Shame

I have always had a deep connection with cannabis. For me, it wasn’t just a substance… it became a lifeline during moments of darkness, a companion through times of chronic pain with Lupus and emotional turbulence with Borderline Personality Disorder. It gave me relief when I felt like I was drowning in the chaos of my own thoughts and physical discomfort. For the last two years, cannabis was part of my daily routine… sometimes hourly. It helped me cope, it helped me think, it helped me sleep, and it allowed me to exist in a world that often felt too overwhelming to navigate. Yet, despite all of the positive changes it brought into my life, the chronic usage, for me… well, it also brought some negatives, so I knew deep down that I needed to find balance.

Now, five days into abstaining from cannabis, I am starting to see the shifts that come from stepping away from something that has been such a large part of my existence. It’s been an eye-opening experience, and though it’s only been a few days, the changes, both subtle and significant, are already starting to unfold before me. And while this break has been challenging at times, it’s also a necessary step towards understanding how to use cannabis in a way that doesn’t become an automatic response or an emotional crutch. It’s not about quitting, it’s about learning how to live with cannabis in a way that respects its place in my life while also fostering self-regulation and mindfulness.

For me, the relationship with cannabis was never one of addiction, despite what some may say. I’ve heard people describe it as something that can “take over” a person’s life, but that’s not what I felt. Cannabis helped me in ways I never thought possible, but the problem wasn’t the substance itself… it was how I used it. I relied on it heavily, sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes every couple of hours. And over time, I realized that my usage wasn’t just about pain relief or relaxation… no… it had become part of my daily ritual, a habit that began to dictate my rhythms rather than complement them. This is why I’ve chosen to take a break and find the balance that allows me to embrace cannabis as an occasional tool, not a constant necessity.

The first five days without cannabis have been filled with challenges and insights. The initial days were the hardest… anxiety and irritability crept in, and my body seemed to rebel against the sudden absence of something I had relied on for so long. My tolerance to stress and discomfort felt weaker, and the lack of that calming effect that cannabis often provided left me feeling more raw than usual. I also noticed physical discomforts galore… slightly more joint pain, a bit more tension in my muscles, and trouble sleeping at first. But there were other changes too, more subtle ones. I felt a clearer sense of mental focus, a sharpness I hadn’t noticed in a long time. My mind was clearer, my thoughts more organized, my usual fatigue from my chronic pain that was worse from over-usage of cannabis lessened significantly, and the fog that often clouded my daily experience seemed to lift slowly but surely. I realized, in those quiet moments, that I had been using cannabis to mask things… emotions, stress, pain… rather than allowing myself to fully confront them. The absence of it has given me the space to process things in ways that feel more intentional.

Yet, even with the challenges, I’m coming to understand that taking this break is not about deprivation or punishment. It’s about recalibrating. It’s about acknowledging that I can still use cannabis when needed, but I don’t need to rely on it to survive. I’m learning to use it as a tool, not a crutch. It’s about finding that sweet spot where cannabis enhances my life rather than dictates it. I’m not anti-cannabis by any means, of course… but I’m pro-balance… pro-being aware of how it affects me and my life and using it in a way that truly serves me. And for me, that means taking breaks and learning to listen to my body in new ways.

The truth is, cannabis isn’t inherently addictive. Yes, some people may develop a dependency on it, but addiction is often about the context in which something is used. It’s about the reasons we turn to it, and whether we’re using it to cope with deeper issues or just to enhance our experience of life. Just like any substance, it’s all about moderation and self-awareness. In fact, many scientific studies have found that cannabis, when used responsibly, does not pose the same risks as other substances… like alcohol or tobacco… when it comes to addiction. The human body has receptors specifically designed to interact with cannabinoids, which are naturally occurring compounds in cannabis. This means that the plant is in many ways harmoniously designed to work with our biology. In short, cannabis in moderation doesn’t take over your life unless you let it. It’s not the substance that’s the problem, it’s the patterns we create around it.

It’s also important to note that cannabis has provided relief for people suffering from chronic pain in ways that other medications cannot. As someone who lives with chronic pain, I can speak to this from personal experience. When the pain becomes too much to bear, cannabis can provide significant relief, allowing people to regain a sense of normalcy and comfort. For those with conditions like lupus, fibromyalgia, or any number of other chronic illnesses, cannabis can be an essential part of daily life. In fact, there’s many studies that have shown that medical cannabis can help with pain management, reducing inflammation, and improving quality of life for those suffering from long-term ailments. For many, it’s a necessary part of their daily regimen, and that’s okay. People with chronic pain shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of needing cannabis to function. It’s not a weakness… it’s a legitimate way to address and manage ongoing health issues.

This brings me to another crucial point… the need for cannabis to be fully legalized and de-stigmatized. Legalization would not only help remove the social stigma that surrounds its use, but it would also provide a framework for better education, safer access, and more effective treatments for those who rely on it for health reasons. When cannabis is legalized, people have more options for choosing quality, consistent products that are tested for safety. It opens the door to more research, which is still limited by federal restrictions in many places. This research could help us better understand the therapeutic potential of cannabis, and allow for more nuanced and personalized approaches to its use. Right now, too many people have to navigate the world of cannabis use on their own, often in the absence of clear guidelines, medical advice, and reliable information.

This isn’t just about recreational use… it’s about providing people with the tools they need to take control of their health in a way that’s safe and informed. Cannabis can be an incredibly helpful and healing substance, but only if we are allowed to access it freely, understand its effects, and use it responsibly. People like me, with chronic pain, need the ability to incorporate cannabis into our routines without the shame or fear of judgment. Legalization would not only normalize its use but also open up more resources for those of us who need it.

As I continue on this journey of finding balance, I’m reminded of how important it is to listen to my body and find what truly works for me. Cannabis isn’t the problem… overuse is. It’s easy to fall into patterns, to rely on something because it works, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best solution in every situation. Right now, I’m focused on creating a healthier relationship with cannabis, one where I use it intentionally and without guilt. It’s about moderation, mindfulness, and ultimately giving myself the space to find peace without constantly relying on a substance to achieve it.

I think that’s the message we need to spread when it comes to cannabis use… that it’s not inherently bad or good… it’s about balance. It’s about finding what works for each individual and not letting societal judgments or stigma cloud that process. Legalization would give us the freedom to explore cannabis more openly, educate ourselves, and use it in a way that benefits us without shame. I’m finding that balance, and I hope others can too. We don’t have to demonize cannabis… we just need to learn how to live with it wisely.