Choosing Her Every Day: What History, Genius, and Cultural Icons Teach Men About Loving Their Wives

There is this thing about love that most men never get until it is too late, and even then… some never get it… what am I talking about?:

A marriage is not held together by the moment he chose her once, but by the thousand moments he chooses her again.

Women are reciprocal beings …beautifully, instinctively so.

When a woman feels chosen, she pours out softness, affection, partnership, creativity, emotional generosity, and devotion.

When she feels ignored or minimized, she hardens, not out of malice but out of survival.

And history shows this over and over.

Great men rise or fall depending on whether they cherish the women beside them.

This essay examines how men can choose their wives daily … even through stress, exhaustion, financial strain, or emotional distance …through the lens of famous stories men already know, from musicians to scientists, philosophers to actors. Because the patterns are universal: when a man shows up with presence, intention, and emotional bravery, his marriage strengthens. When he withdraws, avoids, or takes his wife for granted, his life fractures.

Let us begin with the lessons history has already written.

1. Johnny Cash and June Carter: A man saved by choosing his wife

Johnny Cash was a storm of addiction, touring, insomnia, and self-destruction. Stress was not an occasional visitor… it was his constant companion. But June Carter was the only person he truly listened to. Why? Because he knew she loved him fiercely but demanded he choose her back.

June’s love was not passive. It was reciprocal … but only when Johnny showed up.

The turning point came when June forced him to confront his addictions. She didn’t yell, nag, or threaten. She said, in essence:

“If you want me, choose your life. If you want your life, choose sobriety. If you choose neither, I will walk.”

And Johnny listened.

He chose her through action …treatment, accountability, consistency.

And she reciprocated by becoming the anchor of his world.

Lesson for men:

A woman blooms when a man commits with action, not promises. June did not need perfection …she needed follow-through. Johnny gave her that, and in return she gave him steadiness, creativity, and a love that outlived them both.

2. Barack and Michelle Obama: Choosing her even under world-shaping pressure

Being President is one of the most stressful jobs on earth. Yet Barack Obama made a point … even during the most chaotic moments … to choose Michelle daily.

He exercised with her.

He ate dinner with her.

He included her voice in every major decision.

He praised her publicly.

Even in chaos, he created rituals that told her:

“You matter more than the world I’m accountable to.”

Michelle has said this consistency kept their marriage strong through the toughest years.

Lesson for men:

If the President of the United States can set aside intentional time for his wife, then any man can. Presence is not about having extra time — it is about making sacred the time you already have.

3. Albert Einstein: A genius destroyed his marriage by not choosing the woman who supported him

Einstein is celebrated for brilliance, but his personal life is a cautionary tale.

His first wife, Mileva Marić, was a brilliant physicist herself … arguably a contributor to his early work. She typed his papers, debated his theories, raised their children, and financially carried the family while he worked.

What did Einstein give her in return?

Distance.

Dismissiveness.

Demands.

Contempt.

Infidelity.

And eventually, divorce.

Einstein’s marriage fell apart not because he wasn’t a genius, but because he did not choose her … not emotionally, not physically, not intellectually.

Mileva’s light dimmed. She retreated into illness and poverty. Their children suffered lifelong trauma.

Lesson for men:

Intelligence, talent, or ambition cannot compensate for emotional negligence. The man who fails to choose his wife loses more than a marriage …he loses his humanity.

4. Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera: The destruction caused by emotional inconsistency

Frida Kahlo is revered for her resilience, her art, her passion. But her marriage to Diego Rivera shows what happens when a man fails to provide consistency even when he loves deeply.

Diego loved Frida …passionately.

But he did not choose her daily.

His infidelity cracked the foundation of her life.

Frida stayed because she loved him.

She created masterpieces out of heartbreak.

But imagine the brilliance she could have unleashed had she been emotionally nourished instead of wounded.

Lesson for men:

A talented woman will survive emotional pain, but she will create a world twice as radiant when she is cherished instead of broken.

5. Will Smith and Jada Smith: The power and peril of emotional transparency

Regardless of public opinion, one thing is clear: Will Smith spent decades choosing Jada with loyalty, openness, and devotion … sometimes excessively so. But Jada has been emotionally complicated, and Will’s love often seemed to come without reciprocal emotional nourishment.

Their story shows two things:

1. A woman cannot reciprocate what she does not receive emotionally.

2. A man must choose his wife in the ways she understands love, not in the ways he prefers to give it.

Will often gave devotion.

Jada needed emotional understanding.

Their mismatch created public chaos.

Lesson for men:

Love must be delivered in the language your wife speaks, not the language you find easiest.

6. Carl Jung and Emma Jung: A woman’s resilience is not an excuse for neglect

Carl Jung, father of analytical psychology, had a wife who was more brilliant and emotionally steady than most men deserved. Emma Jung held the household, supported his research, raised their children, and endured his romantic involvement with his muse, Toni Wolff.

But even in this triangle, Emma’s true power was her emotional reciprocity. Carl remained anchored to Emma because she represented unconditional stability …something Toni could not.

Yet Carl caused her immense pain by failing to choose her consistently.

Lesson for men:

A loyal wife can endure many storms, but she should not have to.

A woman should not be the emotional scaffolding of a man who refuses to show up for her.

7. Denzel Washington: The quiet strength of daily choosing

One of Hollywood’s most respected men, Denzel Washington has been married to Pauletta Washington for over 40 years. Their secret?

Daily choosing.

Denzel often says:

“My wife is the reason I am where I am.”

He credits her with:

• raising their children

• holding the household during his filming schedules

• grounding him spiritually

• believing in him before he believed in himself

And in return, he:

• publicly praises her

• spends quality time with her

• protects their family

• remains deeply loyal

• continually expresses gratitude

Lesson for men:

Greatness is built upon the soft, steady place a man comes home to every night. And that home must be nurtured intentionally.

8. Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King: Choosing her mission as choosing her

Coretta Scott King didn’t just stand beside MLK … she was a visionary in her own right. She pushed him to speak out against poverty and systemic injustice. She shaped the philosophical backbone of the movement.

MLK chose her not just as a wife, but as an intellectual equal.

He listened to her.

He respected her.

He incorporated her thinking into his work.

This mutual choosing created a partnership that changed the world.

Lesson for men:

Choosing your wife means choosing her mind, her perspective, her voice. A woman becomes unstoppable when she is intellectually valued.

9. Stephen Hawking: When a man stops choosing her, the marriage collapses

Jane Hawking carried Stephen Hawking through poverty, disability, and academic pressure for decades. She fed him, lifted him, bathed him, advocated for him, raised their children, and supported his career.

But as Stephen became more famous, he chose praise, attention, and ego over the woman who kept him alive. His emotional distance destroyed her spirit.

Eventually she could not survive the loneliness.

Lesson for men:

A woman’s loyalty will sustain a man through impossible circumstances … but if he does not choose her back, his success becomes his marriage’s downfall.

WHAT ALL THESE STORIES REVEAL

Across every era, every profession, every level of fame, the pattern is identical:

Women give more when they feel chosen.

Women wither when they feel forgotten.

Women reciprocate love that is consistently shown.

Women withdraw when love is only implied.

And the truth is simple:

When a man chooses his wife daily … even when tired, overwhelmed, stressed, financially strained, or emotionally distant … the marriage becomes a fortress.

When he does not, the relationship becomes a slow erosion.

HOW A MAN CAN CHOOSE HIS WIFE DAILY (Based on the lessons of history)

1. Rituals of connection:

Like Barack Obama, carve out daily moments together no matter what.

2. Emotional consistency:

Like Denzel Washington, praise her publicly and love her privately.

3. Action over promises:

Like Johnny Cash’s transformation for June Carter, show your love in behavior, not declarations.

4. Intellectual respect:

Like MLK and Coretta, treat her voice as equal to your own.

5. Gentleness in conflict:

Learn from Einstein and Carl Jung what happens when a man withholds emotional presence.

6. Protect the partnership:

Do not let ambition, ego, exhaustion, or neglect dismantle the home she is building with you.

7. Reciprocity:

Understand that women reflect the emotional tone you give them.

If she seems distant, ask yourself:

“Did I choose her today?”

THE FINAL TRUTH: A WOMAN WHO FEELS CHOSEN TRANSFORMS EVERYTHING

History shows us again and again:

The strongest marriages were built not by perfect men, but by men who showed up day after day.

The broken marriages belonged to men who believed love could survive on autopilot.

A woman needs daily nourishment:

• reassurance

• attention

• affection

• presence

• partnership

• effort

• gratitude

• softness

• follow-through

• choosing

When she receives these things, she becomes the most reciprocal being on earth.

When she does not, she becomes silent … and that silence is the loudest cry there is.

Because in the end, a man does not lose his wife all at once.

He loses her every time he forgets to choose her.

And he keeps her every time he remembers.