Shelter Life. Addictions. Expendable Humans?

Being here has been quite the experience and I have no idea how I am supposed to feel about it. This whole experience. I guess it’s a good thing i decided to allow myself a whole year here. It all started when a new friend here told me to allow myself a year. So I decided that was the perfect idea. Despite the bad amongst the few good experiences here, I will give myself til around my 31st birthday... I have been here 66 days now, I got here August 14th, 2026.

Anyway, pining over an emotionally and physically unavailable woman is quite the odd experience I’ve had… so far. Not the worst or best, just odd. And I’m not one to complain… who am I kidding, yes the fuck I am… but despite the grand amount of magically beautiful traits and aspects of this woman, I’m quite appalled at her lack of understanding of the effects of her bad habits that she understandably thinks are normal. But we all do stupid shit for comfort that is actually bad for us right? And she’s a grown woman…. So I should accept it? When is my friendship needed for this situation, and how is it needed? Is she ever wrong about what she needs? Are we ever? That’s the environment for everyone here. You end up befriending addicts whether you yourself are one or not. Addicts here notoriously get no help (not given and not sought after by them) and drag others down with them. In some way or another. And that’s painful. Hopefully to the offending party but often not… I am not bashing them, I am bashing the lack of supportive and truly helpful systems that could curb and/or lessen these addictive reactions, behaviours, and cycles. It takes energy to care about friends who are addicts. Just as it takes energy to stop oneself from partaking in an addiction that is harmful to yourself and others. Its a ripple effect. Harming yourself harms others no matter how hard you think your trying not to.

I just want to say:

You SHOULD care and be grateful that you have someone (with great hope, you do) so close to you that cares about your physical and mental health enough to tell you the truth of your addiction. No matter how painful that truth is that you want to deny or reject… truth is truth and it’s better to face it in order to change it. I’ve learned that in some hard ways. With my own forms of addictions.

But it is not all about the addictions and mental health struggles, though those are a rampant problem throughout the shelter… it’s also about the lack of one on one help, classes, training, counseling and true life changing (and consistent trajectory of that change) programs.

I heard this shelter gets funding for mental health care but i also heard they found a loophole to not even use that funding for mental health care… though they pass everyone onto Sacred Circle and Workforce Services for most anything thats mental health, physical health, financial, work or housing related.

And they give large amounts of accommodations and privileges to whomever they deem more mentally unfit. Many keep their beds while some who are also struggling mentally, get kicked out to the street for the very same behaviours and reactions that those they deem more unwell mentally portray. I and another autistic individual were kicked out to the street, 2 separate times, for a week, each, while some people here who have physically harmed or plain out gave tantrums, stayed and kept their beds.

The very fact we lack any openness on what exactly the rules are and what the system is they use that weighs out who gets what accommodation, when and how much…. It’s frustrating for me. Where’s the clarity, justice, and clear and openly known rules and policies here?

WHERE IS MY MENTAL HEALTH CARE? I fought suicidal thoughts when Ii was on the street and trying for a bed every morning… fought suicidal thoughts… as do many who get kicked out. What deems one as more important than the other to keep at the shelter? We would all love to know. Where are these clear rules?

I would like to end this blog post here… I am awake, it is now 6am, I have been up since 4am… I hope you understand.