To My Teen Daughter

To Emily (to read many times),

I want you to go to dances. To dance for yourself first…. To feel the rhythm of the world as it pulses through you, as your heart beats in harmony with the music and the laughter of the night. I want you to dream… not just of love, but mostly of life itself, of all its richness and wonder.

Let yourself be moved by people, by poetry, by stories that awaken something deep within you. Write your emotions into existence, purposely curate them in words only you can put together, and let them be a testament to the depth of your soul.

I want you to lose yourself in the magic of sleepovers… the whispered secrets, the shared confessions, the laughter that lingers in the dark like fireflies. I do want you to kiss, to revel in the electric rush of a first, a second, a fourth kiss under the hush of twilight. Kiss with the wind tangled in your hair, with the stars as your only witnesses. Kiss whomever you choose, heart overflowing and stomach floating…

But know this, that more than anything, I do not want you to see love as a finish line, nor marriage as the grandest of ambitions. Love is a path, a journey, a lesson… but it is not the whole story.

Too many have mistaken romance for purpose, have tethered their worth to another’s embrace before ever learning to stand in their own. 

For years, I believed that love would be my salvation… that if someone simply chose me, cherished me, I would finally be whole. I thought love would quiet the echoes of my childhood, heal the wounds carved into me by the past. So I chased it, blindly, desperately, convinced that if I could just be loved enough, everything would make sense.

But love is not a remedy. It is not a cure for the ache of self-doubt or the shadows of the past. It wasn’t until I turned inward… toward healing, toward self-discovery, toward an unwavering love for myself… that my world began to take shape.

For years, I resisted the wisdom that told me to build myself first. I dismissed it as pessimism, as unnecessary caution. But the fault was not in the advice… it was in my refusal to hear it, in my longing for something that could not replace the work I had to do within myself.

And so, I tell you this not to diminish love’s beauty, but to remind you that it is one of the MANY wonders in this life. You have many rare and beautiful wonders within yourself whether you believe it or not. Let romance and intimate love be a glow on your horizon, not the sun around which you revolve.

At different crossroads… when I was 26, when I left behind relationships that no longer served me, when I chose your father with certainty, and even now, as I continue to build a life with him… I have given myself permission to be whole on my own. I have unearthed the embers of my past, held them in my hands, and learned how to tend to them with care. I have embraced my own mind, my own heart. I have stood face to face with my truths… about my identity, my beliefs, my dreams… and I have put so much effort into honoring them. And will continue to. 

I walked away from a faith that no longer fit me (it may again, it may not) and, in doing so, found a deeper connection with your father. I have loved others before him, and he,  others before me. Our love was not the first, but it was the truest, because by the time we found each other, we had come to know ourselves first.

Love is not the enemy. The yearning for connection, even at fifteen, is not wrong.

 What is dangerous is allowing it to consume you… to let it eclipse your passions, to let it define your worth, to let it steal the years meant for discovery, for adventure, for becoming.

The greatest love story you will ever live is the one you write with yourself. I know that may not sound romantic, but I promise you, it is brilliant. It is found in the way you chase knowledge, in the way you create, in the way you let curiosity guide you. Love will come, and when it does, let it be an enhancement, not the foundation upon which your entire existence is built. You are not merely someone’s partner, someone’s love story. You are your own story, and it deserves to be written with boldness, with passion, with an unwavering sense of self.

Do not fear solitude. It is in solitude that you will hear the whispers of your soul. Travel. Create. Learn. Immerse yourself in the things that set your spirit alight. Love fiercely, yes… but love yourself first. Love yourself so deeply that when love does arrive, it is only an addition, not a necessity. Love yourself so completely that no absence could ever make you feel unworthy or incomplete.

One day, and most likely many different  days ahead…  love will find you in its own time, in its own way. That is not your task. Your task is to embrace the fullness of who you are, to chase the fire in your soul, to let life’s infinite possibilities unfold before you.

Let your heart be filled with art, stories, music, with wisdom, with friendships that ignite something brilliant within you. Let it be filled with the quiet pride of a goal reached, the thrill of an unplanned adventure, the deep peace of knowing you are enough.

There is so much more to be. So much more to do. And you are meant for all of it. You are meant to burn brightly, to live fully, to stand boldly in your own light.

With all my love,

AubsThePoet (Mom)